Picture yourself at a party.  The guest list is as varied as the food.  The music is pleasant, the candles are lit, the atmosphere is comfortable.  It promises to be an interesting and eventful evening.  You have looked forward to intellectual conversation all week.

The guests arrive one by one and now the festivities are under way.  Glancing across the room,( a mental note), the distinguished doctor has made an appearance.  Then there’s that nice young man who’s the cook at the local Coney Island.

Everyone is amazed to find that he has just left prison after serving a year for theft.  He has turned his life around though, he says and the owner of the restaurant has really given him a break.  He notes his gratitude.  There are a few other guests as well; an engineer friend of the family’s and his girlfriend, the kids’ music teacher, the parents of your long lost college room mate that arrived in town yesterday and finally yourself.

Everyone gathers around the table for dinner as the gourmet meal in which you have painstakingly prepared is served.  Mental note to yourself again, the kids are spending the night with friends.  Check on them as soon as there is a break in the courses served.  The wine is poured and everyone makes conversation.  You examine the glasses; no one needs a refill yet.  You check to make sure the steam is rising from every hot dish.  Do the flowers still look fresh?  Your spouse is laughing, the guests are sampling and smiling, all is going well.

The ex-con retells his story of rehabilitation and redemption to all.  Everyone is inspired.  The engineer goes on after the youth speaking lightly of the new technological advances that he believes will be the wave of the future in the automotive industry.  The parents of your roommate tell the story of how they remember your seriousness as a political science student.  They tease your spouse, has she learned to laugh?  Your spouse replies yes and notes he loves the way you get fired up about the littlest things.  Yep.  You’ve got spirit.

Everyone is slowing in conversation as the lengthy introductions and stories have been replaced by consumption of the main course.  You pour another glass of wine and announce that you hope everyone will save room for dessert.  The music teacher compliments you on the meal and everyone joins in chime with agreement.  Thank you is your reply.

The engineer’s girlfriend asks where you had the food catered from.  Your spouse chimes in and says “Are you kidding ?  She’s been cooking for days!  I’m not sure how she juggles all this and the kids schedule, too.”  She looks at you with a puzzling glance.  You smile.

“So, what do you do?” the young woman asks and you note she’s not really looking at you but giving the engineer a foot job from across the table.  He grins impishly.

Dumbfounded, a reply escapes you.  Kindly, your spouse replies “Everything!”  Everyone chuckles.

“No really.  What do you do?”, now she’s staring right at you.  It’s almost as if her gaze were interrogating. “I mean you take care of the kids and all and the house and yard.  But what do you ‘do’?”

You pause to compose an impressive list.  What do you “do”.  Really, she’s got nerve; Ms foot job@my-table; thinking to yourself.  Then, the response.

“Well, I have home schooled the kids since they were preschoolers.  I take them to their music  lessons.  I remodeled some of this house and maintain it.  Oh, and in the summer the kids and I grow an organic garden.”  No one seems to feel you’re at the end of the list.  Pausing...you add, ”We volunteer once a month at the local shelter for the homeless.  It got the kids a good citizenship award. “ You laugh nervously. Still no one says anything.  Desperately sinking, you’re spouse tries to throw you a line,  “And as you can see, she’s a great cook.”  He nods his head, pausing.  “There’s just so much to taking care of kids.  There’s no manual or set of instructions.....”  He’s sinking worse than you.

“Dessert anyone?” and you suddenly realize the engineer is silently beginning to orgasm .  Maybe you should have added ‘good in bed’ to your curriculum vitae, you say to yourself and leave to make coffee.  Looking around as you depart, the women look at you with disappointment, the ‘foot woman’ a look of disgust.  You are thankful for an opportunity to leave the room.

On returning, your roommate’s parents are putting their coats on.  They both hate to drive when it gets dark, headlight glare is blinding they say.  The mother hugs you and says she was sorry your kids couldn’t have been here for dinner.  She adds, she wishes she had grandchildren like your parents.  They leave, carefully watching each step.  You, yourself wonder if your successful roommate will ever choose a break in her career for children; not likely.

As you serve the cake, the music teacher notes she had this at the last Christmas concert.  She tells everyone it is wonderful.  Trying to make light of the moment, your spouse notes that most of the vegetables served were from your personal garden.

The doctor jumps in saying,  “I grew a garden one year.  But I realized after all that bug repellent and weed killer, it was just cheaper to buy the damn tomatoes at the market.”  Everyone smiles and the mood is lifted slightly.  The thought of explaining the concept of “organic” gardening comes to you, but as you open your mouth to speak, the engineer notes the time and mumbles something about an early morning ahead of them.

Your spouse asks them to stay for dessert, noting that it is your specialty and contains high amounts of chocolate.  You think to yourself that he’s already had his dessert.  Your husband reiterates to the girlfriend about the chocolate.  You realize it is meant to be a compliment but for some reason it suddenly feels like the most degrading thing anyone has ever said about you in your life.  Feeling the tension, the music teacher says she’s never met a chocolate she didn’t like and requests a large helping.  The remaining guests concur. 

As you serve the pastry and coffee, the teacher notes that she stayed home with her kids when they were small.  She kindly touches the top of your hand and says “The thinnest I ever was!”  The doctor laughs along with her.  Your spouse notices that you glance at your empire waist dress in the back of a spoon when you think no one is looking.  Finally sitting down, you stick to the coffee, the pastry suddenly makes a sick feeling in your stomach.

 ~~~

Everyone has said their goodbyes.  Your spouse offers to clean up.  Realizing he’s doing it out of pity but not really caring the reason, you go up to bed.  Lying in the half lit room a revelation hits you.  It hits so hard that you actually sit up in bed and shake the covers from you flannel pajamas.

You have never broken the law.

You have taken charge of raising the future of the country.

You’ve served tonight what most chefs serve and reach celebrity status for.

A man who was in prison and cooks hot dogs for a living gained more respect in a room full of peers than you did.